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Why does it always seem that when one aspect of your life is going so perfectly, the other side is unraveling?
At home, I have the best husband a gal could ask for, and while the place we live in is nowhere near ideal, we are making strides to change it with a move planned in the next few months and redecorating under way. Really, when I get home, I don't think it is possible to be happier.
But at work, I am miserable. I love being a lotion pusher. I love working with people and talking about skin and ingredients. I spent a small fortune on my education and I love that I am able to use it on a daily basis (making those $200+ loan payments seem not so bad). But I can't stand where I work. Don't get me wrong, I love my boss and think the world of her (I can honestly say she is one of the best bosses I have ever had and I feel lucky to have met her) but there is so much crap always going on in the shop due to people's immaturity and lack of business ethics/personal responsibility. I never get a day off without my phone blowing up with the girls arguing with each other or tattle-telling on everything. If one of them so much as breathes wrong, I get a call. They gang up on each other and it seems to rotate week to week on whose on the outs with who. They overexaggerate everything and when you try to stay medium because you can honestly see that both sides are utterly ridiculous, they yell at you and get mad because you aren't siding with them. Majority of the time I feel like a babysitter and a referee. Almost all of the time I feel helpless and like a "bad mommy".
The corporation I work for has proven ineffective. Even when you discipline the employee according to the corporate disciplinary matrix, all the employee has to due is complain to HR that it was in just and that they are getting picked on and it all gets swept under the rug (even if you provide them documentation backing up your reasoning) and the manager gets in trouble for being too aggressive. So even though said manager is held accountable to certain rules and standards, they have no power to really in force anything. And once one figures this out, they all know. As one of my employees stated: You could pretty much do anything short of murder and not get in trouble or fired for it here. And with that knowledge, they proceed to do whatever the fuck they want. And it gets better because each of them honestly feels that whats okay for them, is not okay for the other. For example, its okay for one of them to be late, but if someone else (whomever is on the outs that week usually) is late, they blow a gasket and are texting me and calling me to complain and that person's head better be on a stake outside the store by the end of the shift. Or they feel like it is okay to confront anyone and everyone who complains about them but the second they get confronted for the same thing it is "attitude" and they are not dealing with it. Basically, the store is filled with pots and kettles and they are all calling each other black.
In all, it makes me feel like a horrible person. I have never had to deal with this much crap at any other job I have ever had (and I make less now than I have in 8+ years). And I have seen a lot in the past 14+ years I have been working. I know I am not a bad person or the bitch that all my employees call me behind my back (yes, they run and tell on each other on that too) and that it is all because I try to in force rules (no, you cannot read magazines at the counter; yes, you must take the trash out at the end of the night; etc.) And its not like I make them do anything that isn't in their job description but I am treated like I am the mega beast who has them slaving away for no pay with no breaks and having to perform ungodly acts. And it is all weighing on me heavily. The stress level is so high that as I sit here, I feel like I have to vomit because I dread having to go there. It makes me physically ill at the thought of having to go to work. I can barely turn my head because my muscles are so tight/tense. I just can't do it any more. I cannot continue to be harassed by snotty 20 year olds who wouldn't survive a day in a real workplace and have my hands tied to be able to do anything about it. If this was at one of my previous companies, these girls would be told to suck it up and deal with it or get the fuck out. And I seriously long to say that to them. Suck it up, you aren't always friends with everyone you work with, no you cannot always speak your mind, most of the time you have to deal with your co-workers shit and come out with a smile on your face and mostly I want to scream: IT'S A FREE MOTHER FUCKING COUNTRY! NOBODY HOLDS A GUN TO YOUR HEAD AND MAKES YOUR DUMB ASS WORK HERE! IF YOU HATE YOUR JOB SO FUCKING MUCH, GO FIND A NEW ONE! ITS A REALLY SIMPLE SOLUTION TO YOUR NOT-SO-OVERLY-COMPLICATED PROBLEM!
I am on my way out from this job whether I quit or am fired. In the past, the thought of being canned really frightened me and scared the bejesus out of me, but at this point, I feel so beaten down and broken from this experience, that I just don't care anymore. I JUST DON'T CARE. Which is so unlike me because I have always overly cared about my job and my standing with it. I love work and doing a great job like a fat kid loves cake. But I am done with feeling like a failure and like I should slit my wrists. And I know it's a free country and no one makes me go to this job everyday except that unlike my employees who either live with their parents or boyfriends that make bank, I have bill collectors that hound me with the promise to strip me of everything. So for the sake of my home-happiness I can't just up and quit. And while I have something in the works, it is just not working fast enough for me. I want to be able to walk out of that store and never return today. I want to turn around at the entrance and scream: FUCK YOU BITCHES! and walk on out and never have to speak or see any of them ever again. I left a great job to take this one because it was my "passion" but it has killed what I love, chewed me up and left me bitter and vile. And for some reason, even though I feel like roadkill, on the verge of purging my breakfast, suffering from locked up muscles and tears rolling down my fat cheeks, I still feel obligated to go there because the one thing this hell on earth hasn't killed is my work ethic.
Jenn: broken spirit, fucked up sense of worth, awesome work ethic.
Oh, lucky me.
At home, I have the best husband a gal could ask for, and while the place we live in is nowhere near ideal, we are making strides to change it with a move planned in the next few months and redecorating under way. Really, when I get home, I don't think it is possible to be happier.
But at work, I am miserable. I love being a lotion pusher. I love working with people and talking about skin and ingredients. I spent a small fortune on my education and I love that I am able to use it on a daily basis (making those $200+ loan payments seem not so bad). But I can't stand where I work. Don't get me wrong, I love my boss and think the world of her (I can honestly say she is one of the best bosses I have ever had and I feel lucky to have met her) but there is so much crap always going on in the shop due to people's immaturity and lack of business ethics/personal responsibility. I never get a day off without my phone blowing up with the girls arguing with each other or tattle-telling on everything. If one of them so much as breathes wrong, I get a call. They gang up on each other and it seems to rotate week to week on whose on the outs with who. They overexaggerate everything and when you try to stay medium because you can honestly see that both sides are utterly ridiculous, they yell at you and get mad because you aren't siding with them. Majority of the time I feel like a babysitter and a referee. Almost all of the time I feel helpless and like a "bad mommy".
The corporation I work for has proven ineffective. Even when you discipline the employee according to the corporate disciplinary matrix, all the employee has to due is complain to HR that it was in just and that they are getting picked on and it all gets swept under the rug (even if you provide them documentation backing up your reasoning) and the manager gets in trouble for being too aggressive. So even though said manager is held accountable to certain rules and standards, they have no power to really in force anything. And once one figures this out, they all know. As one of my employees stated: You could pretty much do anything short of murder and not get in trouble or fired for it here. And with that knowledge, they proceed to do whatever the fuck they want. And it gets better because each of them honestly feels that whats okay for them, is not okay for the other. For example, its okay for one of them to be late, but if someone else (whomever is on the outs that week usually) is late, they blow a gasket and are texting me and calling me to complain and that person's head better be on a stake outside the store by the end of the shift. Or they feel like it is okay to confront anyone and everyone who complains about them but the second they get confronted for the same thing it is "attitude" and they are not dealing with it. Basically, the store is filled with pots and kettles and they are all calling each other black.
In all, it makes me feel like a horrible person. I have never had to deal with this much crap at any other job I have ever had (and I make less now than I have in 8+ years). And I have seen a lot in the past 14+ years I have been working. I know I am not a bad person or the bitch that all my employees call me behind my back (yes, they run and tell on each other on that too) and that it is all because I try to in force rules (no, you cannot read magazines at the counter; yes, you must take the trash out at the end of the night; etc.) And its not like I make them do anything that isn't in their job description but I am treated like I am the mega beast who has them slaving away for no pay with no breaks and having to perform ungodly acts. And it is all weighing on me heavily. The stress level is so high that as I sit here, I feel like I have to vomit because I dread having to go there. It makes me physically ill at the thought of having to go to work. I can barely turn my head because my muscles are so tight/tense. I just can't do it any more. I cannot continue to be harassed by snotty 20 year olds who wouldn't survive a day in a real workplace and have my hands tied to be able to do anything about it. If this was at one of my previous companies, these girls would be told to suck it up and deal with it or get the fuck out. And I seriously long to say that to them. Suck it up, you aren't always friends with everyone you work with, no you cannot always speak your mind, most of the time you have to deal with your co-workers shit and come out with a smile on your face and mostly I want to scream: IT'S A FREE MOTHER FUCKING COUNTRY! NOBODY HOLDS A GUN TO YOUR HEAD AND MAKES YOUR DUMB ASS WORK HERE! IF YOU HATE YOUR JOB SO FUCKING MUCH, GO FIND A NEW ONE! ITS A REALLY SIMPLE SOLUTION TO YOUR NOT-SO-OVERLY-COMPLICATED PROBLEM!
I am on my way out from this job whether I quit or am fired. In the past, the thought of being canned really frightened me and scared the bejesus out of me, but at this point, I feel so beaten down and broken from this experience, that I just don't care anymore. I JUST DON'T CARE. Which is so unlike me because I have always overly cared about my job and my standing with it. I love work and doing a great job like a fat kid loves cake. But I am done with feeling like a failure and like I should slit my wrists. And I know it's a free country and no one makes me go to this job everyday except that unlike my employees who either live with their parents or boyfriends that make bank, I have bill collectors that hound me with the promise to strip me of everything. So for the sake of my home-happiness I can't just up and quit. And while I have something in the works, it is just not working fast enough for me. I want to be able to walk out of that store and never return today. I want to turn around at the entrance and scream: FUCK YOU BITCHES! and walk on out and never have to speak or see any of them ever again. I left a great job to take this one because it was my "passion" but it has killed what I love, chewed me up and left me bitter and vile. And for some reason, even though I feel like roadkill, on the verge of purging my breakfast, suffering from locked up muscles and tears rolling down my fat cheeks, I still feel obligated to go there because the one thing this hell on earth hasn't killed is my work ethic.
Jenn: broken spirit, fucked up sense of worth, awesome work ethic.
Oh, lucky me.
broken spirit.. GLUE! I NEED GLUE!
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i am counting down the days to when i get you back. you have not been the same since you started working there. i cant wait till you feel happy, accomplished, and appreciated again.
Well as of today, the job offically broke my work ethic as well since I quit with no notice. And just when you think you have one thing to hold on to.......
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